no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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