Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
BRING THE BAGELS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
