that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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