Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
