and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
