Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
