Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Shame - the story of my life.
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