drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
