Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
