I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
