And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
