Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
