I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
