Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
