butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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