My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Couch. On fire.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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