she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
