Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
