things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
