Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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