is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
