This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think a kid would responsible me up
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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