What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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