when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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