I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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