Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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