so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
