I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
