I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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