also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
