Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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