My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My bed smells like the plague
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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