I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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