you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
