You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
