I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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