You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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