That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
