I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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