So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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