His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
