I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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