I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
