I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
