I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
