I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
