I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
