hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
