Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my being single is dangerous.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
