I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
