Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
