you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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