WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your cock deserves a montage
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
